A few days ago we published an article about men not being afraid of marriage. I loved the article which resonated with me. It also made me wonder: Do all women want to get married? Though the idea of starting a life with someone sounds ideal, the divorce rate doesn’t. Maybe it’s the number of men that I have met unwilling to settle down who have turned me off to the idea of a forever commitment. However, the more I think about it, the less I want it. Not all women want to get married.
Just like men are afraid to commit, so are some women. We are just as scared to settle down with one person forever. Sex with one person for the rest of our lives? Is that possible? I guess anything is possible when you work at it. Despite growing up a hopeless romantic looking to meet my happily ever after man, I still haven’t. In the words of Charlotte from Sex and the City, “I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?” My same thoughts for nearly two decades. Just before I turned forty I was certain I wanted to get married. Then, COVID shook our normal lifestyle and things shifted. I was without a job, lost my health insurance, and I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Imagine being married and put in that situation and having your partner rely on you for 50/50 or more? No pressure, right?
With too much time to think about my future and analyze hypothetical scenarios, I realized no matter what I create in my mind, manifest, or speak into the universe, life is going to happen as it wants to. Of course it’s predicated on my choices and vibration, but what’s the rush and reason in forcing it? I think my mom is more afraid that I am going to be alone forever than I am. When we talk about my dating habits or past relationships her response is always the same, “you are never going to find anyone because your standards are too high.” Damn right they are mom. I don’t want to spend forever, or however long we have, with just anyone. I want Mr. Right! I want to be Mrs. Right for someone.
Who wants to wakeup everyday miserable, or worse, alone in a relationship? We only get one life. ONE LIFE! I promise if you lived a day in my life you would see how great being single is, and the value of alone time. That’s not to say I prefer being single. I just prefer being happy when the alternative is dating the wrong guy.
If you’ve read my personal relationship and dating column on my blog then you know I’m a serial monogamist and I have been through a lot of heartbreak. I don’t want to go through that again. I won’t stick around for a guy to figure out what he wants. I am looking for “the one.” I just don’t know if the one necessarily means marriage. I love what Goldie and Kurt have. A partnership. They make the choice to be together everyday. In any relationship you make the choice. Since they are not married and can technically walkaway at anytime, their partnership feels more like a commitment rather than a legal binding contract, to me.
The challenge with not needing to be married and turning forty, or any age between 29 years old and 40+ is wanting children. Which I do. That’s where marriage gets tricky. Although you don’t need a husband to have a child, it’s better if you do. Unless you have a family, friends or nanny available on speed dial at all times. I watched my mother raise my brothers and I alone. She was (and still is) a super hero but it wasn’t easy. Still to this day she prioritizes family over herself. If you are going to commit to having children you have to be prepared. For me it never bothered me growing up without a father figure. However, later into my young adult life I sought out those lessons I needed to learn from a dad. It made me realize the importance of having not just one good role model but two: a mother and father.
Again, I’m not saying you cannot raise children solo. I’ve been watching my brother work as a single dad for fourteen years. I’m just acknowledging how tough it is on the parent and child(ren). But that hasn’t stopped me from exercising options of considering sperm donors and adoption. The fact is, at a certain point in your life, you might have to resort to alternative options. I’m still holding out hope that I will find the situation that’s right for me and meet a great man I can have a future with. But if that never happens, and I don’t end up getting married and/or having children, what’s the harm in removing the stereotypical pressure society has placed on us and living my life to the fullest?
There is a lot pressure to be married and have kids by a certain age. There’s pressure for both parties to find the ideal mate, have the perfect proposal, and get married on the most beautiful day of the year with the entire world watching. But what if we just lived and enjoyed life? What if we didn’t have to think about finding Mr. Big or Mrs. Bradshaw, spending three perfect years together, and dropping 3x a monthly salary on an engagement ring?
Maybe I will never get married, or maybe I will. What I do know is that I’m happy with my life as it is right now: my new normal and all. I’m content with the man I am choosing to date without any labels attached. At this point in my life, our non-label partnership feels just as great as a good marriage. For me that’s not a sacrifice, it’s the ultimate compromise.
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